Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
