Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
