I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
