It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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