all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
