Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
