I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
