Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
