It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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