I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
babies were throwing up all over the place
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
