Just cropdusted the office
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
