How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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