Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize