Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
