I just made out with a guy for $7.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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