she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
