She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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