So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
