the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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