Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
