I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
