look no pants
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think my moral compass just broke
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
