sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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