Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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