The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
