i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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