I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
