A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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