mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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