woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
