The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
