She is in my trunk
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
