i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
