ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
