No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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