hotel room ftw
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
