I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
