oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
