great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
