I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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