I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
