I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize