I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
