So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
