Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This baby is an asshole
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
