Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Are we still banned from the library?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
