he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
