Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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