he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
