remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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