my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
