we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
