I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
