Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
