we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
