I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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