peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
