did you get engaged???
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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