Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
