I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
