There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
