I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
