I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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