hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
