this boner is exhausting
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
