All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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