you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize